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winterI should have known not to post that last meme :P You can still bunny me for a fic-fragment there, and I'll post all of them in a separate post once I get through all of them - right now just two outstanding, including one from ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
guede_mazaka that killed me. Meanwhile, arabwel managed to bunny me hard enough to obtain actual fic. 50 sentences, ~700 words.
Fandom: Once Upon A Time In Mexico
Pairing: Lorenzo/El, Lorenzo/Fideo, Sands/El, implied multiple OFC/Lorenzo
Genre: Humour
Everything identifiable belongs to Robert Rodriguez et consortes, with the exception ofarabwel and myself.
How To SeduceA The Mariachi In 10 Easy Steps
1. Long looks from under your eyelashes
Fideo knocked on the bathroom door. “Hurry up there!”
Lorenzo didn’t react. He was too busy rinsing his eyes out with water.
He decided to buy hypoallergenic mascara the next time.
2. Shared hobbies
The melodies of their guitars meshed together seamlessly. Carried by the moment, Lorenzo threw his head back and swayed to the music. Even if El didn’t look, there was no reason not to practice looking good-
When the grasping hands of the women in the club pulled him off the stage and down to the floor, Lorenzo didn’t have time to scream before two girls were kissing him at once. Above the crowd, El and Fideo played on.
3. Understanding and sympathy
It was the anniversary of Carolina’s death, and Lorenzo was lending a friendly ear.
“She would walk around in her underwear in the morning,” El slurred. “With wet hair dripping water on the cotton. When she carried the baby, she looked like a Madonna, and I would cross myself when I saw her...”
Lorenzo made sure he didn’t make too much noise as he beat his head against a wall.
4. The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach
The flames were three metres tall. The shack’s timbers creaked in a way that foretold imminent collapse. The smoke smelled of kerosene and, curiously, burnt beans.
Fideo didn’t ask. He just passed Lorenzo the bottle.
5. A romantic night on the town
It was perfectly planned. The French musical had songs they could incorporate into their own repertoire, the bar they retired to served good tequila, and there were rooms to be rented upstairs. And the only females around were two foreign girls who had also been to the show; they even bought Lorenzo a drink and gossiped on how attractive El looked in evening wear. They both had disconcertingly evil smiles, but he supposed they couldn’t help it.
He was still wondering whether the one with the amazing cleavage or the tall Slavic redhead looked more evil by the time the Rohypnol hit him.
6. Dress to impress
The seamstress looked at the sad scraps of leather on the table. “What happened?”
Lorenzo just shook his head. He wasn’t about to explain the firefight, mad getaway, the three sheep and a chicken, or the way El hadn’t noticed his new leather pants at all.
At least it had removed the problem of getting them off. He’d forgotten the baby powder that morning.
7. Get allies
Lorenzo stretched out languidly and looked guiltily at the man in bed with him. He had to admit the night had been one to remember. And with the amount of liquor they’d drunk before, it was even more impressive.
Too bad Fideo hadn’t had any advice on how to get El to notice him. But at least he was good at the cheering up part.
8. Dazzle him with your skill
White heat and a shimmer in the air, and joyful laughter catching in his throat. Lorenzo bared his teeth as he swung the flamethrower around. Another petrol tank exploded, and a quick jump took him out of the way of burning fragments of upholstery as the garage turned into an inferno. If this wasn’t impressive, he didn’t know what was.
El, however, noted that with all the drug dealers’ cars burned they would have to walk twenty miles on foot to the nearest town.
9. Guys never turn down strings-free sex
“What are you doing?”
“My bed’s got springs poking out all over the place. There’s room for two here... if we squeeze down.”
El snorted and got out of bed, perching on the window sill instead.
Lorenzo smothered his sobs with the pillow.
10. If he turns down all this, he must be asexual, period
Lorenzo groaned when he entered the bar. “What’s the crazy gringo doing here?”
Sands was even thinner and more dead-looking than when Lorenzo saw him last, and he was standing far too close to El for Lorenzo’s comfort. “Newsflash, boytoy: it’s more fun with me around.”
As El growled and pulled Sands close for a scorching kiss, Lorenzo saw red.
~THE END~
guede_mazaka that killed me. Meanwhile, arabwel managed to bunny me hard enough to obtain actual fic. 50 sentences, ~700 words.Fandom: Once Upon A Time In Mexico
Pairing: Lorenzo/El, Lorenzo/Fideo, Sands/El, implied multiple OFC/Lorenzo
Genre: Humour
Everything identifiable belongs to Robert Rodriguez et consortes, with the exception of
arabwel and myself.How To Seduce
1. Long looks from under your eyelashes
Fideo knocked on the bathroom door. “Hurry up there!”
Lorenzo didn’t react. He was too busy rinsing his eyes out with water.
He decided to buy hypoallergenic mascara the next time.
2. Shared hobbies
The melodies of their guitars meshed together seamlessly. Carried by the moment, Lorenzo threw his head back and swayed to the music. Even if El didn’t look, there was no reason not to practice looking good-
When the grasping hands of the women in the club pulled him off the stage and down to the floor, Lorenzo didn’t have time to scream before two girls were kissing him at once. Above the crowd, El and Fideo played on.
3. Understanding and sympathy
It was the anniversary of Carolina’s death, and Lorenzo was lending a friendly ear.
“She would walk around in her underwear in the morning,” El slurred. “With wet hair dripping water on the cotton. When she carried the baby, she looked like a Madonna, and I would cross myself when I saw her...”
Lorenzo made sure he didn’t make too much noise as he beat his head against a wall.
4. The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach
The flames were three metres tall. The shack’s timbers creaked in a way that foretold imminent collapse. The smoke smelled of kerosene and, curiously, burnt beans.
Fideo didn’t ask. He just passed Lorenzo the bottle.
5. A romantic night on the town
It was perfectly planned. The French musical had songs they could incorporate into their own repertoire, the bar they retired to served good tequila, and there were rooms to be rented upstairs. And the only females around were two foreign girls who had also been to the show; they even bought Lorenzo a drink and gossiped on how attractive El looked in evening wear. They both had disconcertingly evil smiles, but he supposed they couldn’t help it.
He was still wondering whether the one with the amazing cleavage or the tall Slavic redhead looked more evil by the time the Rohypnol hit him.
6. Dress to impress
The seamstress looked at the sad scraps of leather on the table. “What happened?”
Lorenzo just shook his head. He wasn’t about to explain the firefight, mad getaway, the three sheep and a chicken, or the way El hadn’t noticed his new leather pants at all.
At least it had removed the problem of getting them off. He’d forgotten the baby powder that morning.
7. Get allies
Lorenzo stretched out languidly and looked guiltily at the man in bed with him. He had to admit the night had been one to remember. And with the amount of liquor they’d drunk before, it was even more impressive.
Too bad Fideo hadn’t had any advice on how to get El to notice him. But at least he was good at the cheering up part.
8. Dazzle him with your skill
White heat and a shimmer in the air, and joyful laughter catching in his throat. Lorenzo bared his teeth as he swung the flamethrower around. Another petrol tank exploded, and a quick jump took him out of the way of burning fragments of upholstery as the garage turned into an inferno. If this wasn’t impressive, he didn’t know what was.
El, however, noted that with all the drug dealers’ cars burned they would have to walk twenty miles on foot to the nearest town.
9. Guys never turn down strings-free sex
“What are you doing?”
“My bed’s got springs poking out all over the place. There’s room for two here... if we squeeze down.”
El snorted and got out of bed, perching on the window sill instead.
Lorenzo smothered his sobs with the pillow.
10. If he turns down all this, he must be asexual, period
Lorenzo groaned when he entered the bar. “What’s the crazy gringo doing here?”
Sands was even thinner and more dead-looking than when Lorenzo saw him last, and he was standing far too close to El for Lorenzo’s comfort. “Newsflash, boytoy: it’s more fun with me around.”
As El growled and pulled Sands close for a scorching kiss, Lorenzo saw red.
~THE END~
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-22 01:33 pm (UTC)Poor Lorenzo. I love your Fideo here too.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-22 01:40 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-22 01:48 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-23 12:36 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-23 10:08 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-22 02:23 pm (UTC)El, however, noted that with all the drug dealers’ cars burned they would have to walk twenty miles on foot to the nearest town.
This in particular had me in stitches.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-23 12:37 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-22 02:50 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-23 12:38 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-22 03:33 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-23 12:39 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-22 04:04 pm (UTC)At least it had removed the problem of getting them off. He’d forgotten the baby powder that morning.
*snerk* All that planning, and he misses the really important details XD
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-23 12:39 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-23 02:25 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-23 02:39 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-23 03:29 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-23 04:40 am (UTC)Glad you liked it!
*laughs hard*
Date: 2006-02-23 03:42 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-23 04:42 am (UTC)Oh, and icon love!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-23 04:54 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-23 04:06 am (UTC)Poor, poor Lori... trying so hard and getting nowhere
expect molested by the fangirls but still*worships*