Bravo! Brilliant! I don't know both films, only Mexico, and I also read the Mexico stuff you wrote early on and absolutely loved it. I kept hoping you might come back to it and now you have, and even if it's just a one off this is great. So much so that I'm having a lot of trouble trying to point out what worked especially well for me.
However, I really liked this bit: The other guy at the table by the door was familiar to Smecker, from one course at Quantico too many. And retired, if he remembered the Bureau bulletins. "Ramirez, what the fuck are you doing here?"
"Sightseeing." The old fox was smiling like he didn't care. "You'd think it's just like Mexico, but you'd be surprised."
And this is quite an introduction, with an awful lot of character included: An even whiter smile in the dark. "Watch your fucking language, fairy."
Ramirez raised a hand. "He calls this interagency cooperation. Sheldon Sands, meet Paul Smecker and-?"
I really enjoyed this exchange: Connor smiled. "What the fuck are we supposed to say now?"
Sands cocked his head like a curious cat. "Say 'please'."
And this is just a killer pair of lines to me: A guitar case creaked, and it was magic, the way all eyes flew towards it. Gunmetal, gleaming.
And then, hell.
As insults go, I think I'd like to keep this for use in real life! "Cutting it close, you ferret-assed fucker!" Sands yelled out as he reloaded his gun.
And this too works very well in telling you all you need to know: The three guitarists, all in black and silver, were stalking the room, guns and - right, had to be the flamethrower - at the ready. Ramirez was making sure everyone was decently dead.
And a great ending too: The twins trained their guns on Sands.
Then two of the musicians put their guns to the brothers' heads. The third - mariachi, that was it - the mariachi stepped between them.
"Your work is good, but do it back north." His voice was low, and his hair fell over his face. He was shorter than the McManuses, but somehow he towered over them. "Mexico can take care of herself."
By the way, after we've both spent all this time betaing Gina's novel, do you mind if I add you as a friend?
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Date: 2005-05-17 11:53 am (UTC)However, I really liked this bit:
The other guy at the table by the door was familiar to Smecker, from one course at Quantico too many. And retired, if he remembered the Bureau bulletins. "Ramirez, what the fuck are you doing here?"
"Sightseeing." The old fox was smiling like he didn't care. "You'd think it's just like Mexico, but you'd be surprised."
And this is quite an introduction, with an awful lot of character included:
An even whiter smile in the dark. "Watch your fucking language, fairy."
Ramirez raised a hand. "He calls this interagency cooperation. Sheldon Sands, meet Paul Smecker and-?"
I really enjoyed this exchange:
Connor smiled. "What the fuck are we supposed to say now?"
Sands cocked his head like a curious cat. "Say 'please'."
And this is just a killer pair of lines to me:
A guitar case creaked, and it was magic, the way all eyes flew towards it. Gunmetal, gleaming.
And then, hell.
As insults go, I think I'd like to keep this for use in real life!
"Cutting it close, you ferret-assed fucker!" Sands yelled out as he reloaded his gun.
And this too works very well in telling you all you need to know:
The three guitarists, all in black and silver, were stalking the room, guns and - right, had to be the flamethrower - at the ready. Ramirez was making sure everyone was decently dead.
And a great ending too:
The twins trained their guns on Sands.
Then two of the musicians put their guns to the brothers' heads. The third - mariachi, that was it - the mariachi stepped between them.
"Your work is good, but do it back north." His voice was low, and his hair fell over his face. He was shorter than the McManuses, but somehow he towered over them. "Mexico can take care of herself."
By the way, after we've both spent all this time betaing Gina's novel, do you mind if I add you as a friend?